See, I've Learned Something Today...

I don't often admit to feeling unsure of myself, but over the past couple months I have felt that way. I haven't felt like I've really learned anything, and I've been unsure of any difference in the world around me. Although I do still have some insecurities, I'm feeling a lot better about myself right now. I've just learned that I do have answers to some pretty hard questions.

I just found out about a contest Wal-Mart has started on facebook. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know a whole lot about the contest, but here's the basic idea, as I understand it. The company has made a fan page for every metropolitan area in the United States. "Liking" the page will act as a vote for the area, and by today, December 31st, which ever area gets the most "Likes" wins and Wal-Mart will donate 1.5 million dollars to help feed the hungry in that area. I applaud Wal-Mart for this.

I've said already, that there is plenty of food in the US and that there should be no one going hungry. I feel the money could be better spent on improving living conditions for the needy, but that's not what I'm writing about.

I found myself in a conversation over a very dear friends facebook status today about things like this. His status said, "I would imagine just donating money to charities or buying dinner for a homeless person is actually more beneficial than clicking "Like" on a Facebook link... almost as good as changing your profile pic to save kids from child abuse..." He was making a point that although it's very good that corporations to help out in their community, we, as individuals, should really do more than we do.


I put in my two sense like I always do, especially when it's the subject of poverty, and was eventually asked the question, "What organization? Or how would you get the money to those who actually need it? Who decides who "actually" needs it?"

The question came up because I said that it worried me that a lot less than the full 1.5 million would make it to the people who need it. It's a really good question and my answer took some thought. This is what I answered:

That's the hard part. Most states have pretty good assistance programs for individuals. In a lot of cases it's used well and does it's job of getting people off the streets. But in a lot of cities rents are higher than what people are given.

As far as an organization that does the best, it would change from city to city. I wish the organizations would work together more than they do. The one that shows up the most is Union Gospel Mission, but the programs from city to city aren't the same and they're all run independently so "prices and participation" vary, basically they just share a name.

As far as who actually needs it. Right now I'd worry more about families than individuals. The economic downturn has forced a lot of people out of their homes who have always been hard workers. My personal opinion is that these are the people who need help most right now. I've run into a lot of people who are looking for work all the time, or work part time at McDonald's or something and simply don't make nearly enough to support themselves, let alone a family.

I hope that helped a little. The sad answer is that donating to local charities and shelters is the best that the average person can give. And if you're in a city that has a homeless newspaper, (Salt Lake does) buy one when you see a guy selling it. Half the money goes to the person and the other half goes to help them continue printing. It's one of the best ways to get money to someone who is really trying to better their life, and the articles are really informative and eye opening.

After I had written that, a lot of my insecurities vanished. It showed me that I have learned a lot, and hopefully the things I have to say will help make some change.

I don't really get into most holidays, but it seems fitting that this happened on New Year's Eve. Hopefully, I can take this new found self esteem with me into 2011 and the last half of my time on the streets, and with it, keep making all the difference I can. So, thank you Roger, for being an awesome friend all the time and for bringing up a valid point. And thank you Julianna, for asking probably one of the best questions I've ever been asked. And thank YOU for reading what I have to say. I hope the new year brings you health, safety, and happiness.

Videos?

Well not live action videos, but videos just the same. I made two videos on xtranormal to advertise the blog. If you haven't seen them, check them out! I hope you like them!

This first video I made while trying to figure out how to use the program. They remind me of LEGOS.

This second one is cartoon versions of two of my best friends talking about me and the blog. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed making them.

Not What I Expected

Yesterday I went to learn about Buddhism. There was a free class at the library at 5:30 and I had nowhere to be until about 6:45. I figured the class couldn't last more than an hour, right?

Wrong.

6:30 came and went and I was still sitting there and, honestly, not really learning anything about Buddhism. I'm not good at leaving early in situations such as this, and so there I sat. Finally, at about 7:05 the guy in charge of the "class" had enough technical difficulties with his computer and recorder (he doing an audio recording of everything he was saying) that I had a chance to say that I really needed to go.

And so I left late and, therefore, arrived late at the shelter I've been staying at. When I got there they were full. They told me to go and get some food and they'd make arrangements somewhere else for me. By the time I got there they were about out of food. They gave me what they could. It wasn't much, but at least it was something.

I stay in a winter shelter. It's a program called the "San Francisco Interfaith Winter Shelter" It lasts from November until February and it's designed to make sure that more people are off the streets in the dead of winter. So it's not a regular shelter that's open year round and has it's own building. Let me tell you something about the regular San Francisco shelters. They all use the same computer systems. The first time you stay at one, you have to give them your information so they know who's there. Once you've done that, you are in everybody's system and checking into a shelter is really easy. I haven't stayed in a regular shelter here. Therefore, I'm "off the grid". This made things difficult last night.

These people are awesome, by the way.

When they called in to make reservations at other shelters for us, it became very apparent that they had no idea who I was. So, I was sent to a shelter a couple miles away where I could get on the "grid".

When I got there, there was a cart fashioned from two bicycles on the side of the street. It was two bikes about two feet apart with a whole frame welded around it. It was fitted with a big propane tank and two burners; one in front and one in back. They were serving spaghetti, garlic bread, corn and baked beans to anyone who was hungry, and I was still hungry. Jackpot!

I ate, it was awesome, and then I looked at the line into the shelter, it was long. I'm from Minnesota, I can handle 40 degrees, and so I walked into the dark of the city and towards my car, which is ridiculously close to where I usually sleep.

On the way there, I knew I was planning on not sleeping in a shelter, but I wasn't sure if I'd end up in my car for the night of under the stars. The idea of being curled up in a car wasn't sitting well with me, so when I got to it I decided to get a couple blankets and find a place to lay down for the night.

I remembered that on my second day in San Francisco a homeless man told me that the police patrol parks and if they find you sleeping there, you might get arrested. I don't want to get arrested. He said that if you want to sleep uninterrupted, church property is where it's at. So, again, off into the dark of the city I went, this time, searching for a church.

Long story short, I found a place under some palm trees to sleep, and woke up promptly at 5:30AM, which is exactly when the shelters wake up us bums. I've become far too used to waking up that early.

To answer your question before you ask it. Yes, I stayed warm, I already said, "I'm from Minnesota, I can handle 40 degrees". I never noticed the temperature all night. I'm tough.

St. Boniface

Monday through Friday from 6AM until Noon, if you are in San Francisco with nowhere to go then I know a place for you. St. Boniface Church on Golden Gate Avenue between Leavenworth Street and Jones Street offers shelter to anyone in need of it with out fail. It's a haven for the homeless who are sent out on to the streets in the wee hours of the morning.

Whether you need some more sleep, to get out of the cold, or just want a place to rest for a few minutes, St. Boniface has got you covered. I've been told that it is the only church in the United States that opens it's doors in this way to give homeless people the shelter they need. Although I can't back up this claim by any means, I can definitely say that is is the only one I've come across during my travels. For a great many mornings it has been an excellent sanctuary for me. I've absolutely been blessed by the kindness and love shown by this church whether I've spent a few minutes resting my feet or a few hours sleeping in one of their pews.

I'm so inspired by the amount of support I'm shown by each of you everyday. It means a great deal to me, and sometimes your support is what keeps me going when life totally sucks and I'm lonely, cold, wet, tired, dirty, and really just wishing for a pizza and some fancy chocolate. Thank you so much for that. I truly cannot find the words to sufficiently express my gratitude.

Help Me Continue!

Some of you have noticed the donate button to your right. It has become quite hard to juggle trying to find work, working the few temporary jobs I’ve gotten, making it to shelters so I can get out of the cold at night, and having time to write it all down. So I’m asking for donations if you can.

This is a decision that has not been made lightly and I’ve made a few rules to go along with it.

Rule #1: 

I will continue to look for work and try to make as much money as I can to help the cause just as I have been doing.

Rule #2:

The money is for transportation and other necessities. I will not be using it to eat. I will not be buying things for me. It is only to get me from one place to another.

Rule #3: 

Anything that is left over at the end of this expedition will be donated to a homeless shelter or other homeless relief organization of my choosing. It will be a place that helped me along the way where I felt very welcome and safe.

I hope that this is a way that the people, who have read the things I’ve written, and shown so much enthusiasm along the way, can help me to continue doing what has become so important to so many of us.

Humor

I was sitting at breakfast this morning with an interesting man. He was cracking jokes and happily talking the whole time. A lot of his jokes were funny, but I don't always laugh on the outside; also I was tired. I'm not sure if he was trying to crack me or if that's just him, but he kept going. I wasn't upset at all, he was really entertaining.

Then it happened. He told a story that is right up my alley. I'll try to tell it right.

He has arthritis and a big heart, which I guess is bad. I was always told it's good to have a big heart, but I guess not literally. He had a doctor a few years ago who was Oriental, from New York, and gay. These are the things he told me about his doctor. One visit he asked the doctor about a certain pain medication for his arthritis. The doctor quickly said, "I wouldn't put that in my body." This man looked at his doctor and said, "Well, you put things in your body that I definitely wouldn't put in mine!"

Maybe it's funny. Maybe it's offensive. Maybe it's neither, but at 6:30 this morning I thought it was hilarious. I started laughing a lot and he said, "There, I got you."

I took out my notebook and started writing and he said, "You're writing that in your journal aren't you."

"That, I do not want to forget" I replied.

As I was writing he said some wonderful things. He said that he's probably going to die soon and he's made it his mission in life to bring joy to people and make as many people laugh as he can. There are a lot of people in really bad situations in life and if you can give them that little bit of joy, then you've given them everything.

Pardon the Pun

There's one group of people I've pretty much ignored as far as who I have written about, and that would be those obvious mental illness. In a way I've been avoiding this subject on purpose. It's a stereotype that most homeless people are mentally ill. In reality the amount of blatant mental illness has been quite a bit less than I originally thought.

With that said, mental illness among the homeless is still prevalent enough that I see it everyday. It kind of makes me sad. I see these people everyday that really can't take care of themselves let alone work a job that will pay enough to survive who for no fault of their own are forced to live on the streets. I can't believe that the government doesn't take care of these people. I really feel that people who have mental illness bad enough so that they are stuck on the streets because they can't take care of themselves should be taken care of by family. And if that's not possible then the government needs to step in and make sure they have a place to live  and are given access to the medications and psychiatric care they require. Living on the streets, these people are, in many cases, potentially dangerous to themselves and the people around them.

There's a man I see everyday who is constantly talking to someone who isn't there. It's actually really unnerving. This man is insanely mad (Pardon the Pun) at whoever he's talking to. Sometimes I really feel like he's just going to flip out and someone could easily get hurt.

There was a guy in Portland who I'm still not sure about. I'm almost positive that he was using the crazy homeless guy stereotype to his advantage. It was actually really funny to see this phenomenon in action. When ever he was in areas where there was less people with money, he seemed completely normal, but  upon crossing into the areas where there are business's and shopping areas, he seemed completely crazy. He'd walk around yelling strange things to people and then, like clockwork, he'd walk up to and into the shelter, and again, he's a normal guy. So, I'll let you make up your mind about what was going on there.

So there are people with mental illness in the homeless community, but not nearly as many as you'd think, or possibly, as many as some people might want you to think.