First Blood

I have always compared my life to cinema. I'm not exactly sure why but movies have always been a large part of my life and I've been able to find parallels between me and the fictional characters dreamed up by some of the world's best story tellers. In some cases the parallels have been nearly exactly as seen and sometimes it was only a basic theme that I have experienced.

Out of all the characters in popular American cinema, one I never dreamed I'd identify with is John Rambo. But last night it happened. The nights I sleep in my car I bring all the crap I've got in the back seat to the front of the car, and climb in back for my slumber. I usually park my car in a residential neighborhood with other cars on the street so I can just blend in and escape the likelihood of being disturbed by teenagers or other people.

I had parked in the city of Goleta, CA which is about three miles outside of Santa Barbara, and laid down for the night. I was awakened in the beginning of my slumber by a spotlight shining in my windows followed by a flashlight in my face. It was a Sheriff Deputy. He said, "What are you doing? This isn't an RV park!"

I wanted to say, "This isn't an RV" but I held it in.

He said some other stuff that I didn't pay attention to and called off the back up he'd apparently had on stand by, and told me to get out of town. I said "Okay" and "I'm sorry". Then pulled enough to the back seat so I could get behind the wheel and started my car and drove down the street. He followed me, which sucked because I was all turned around and took a few wrong turns trying to find the back road I wanted to take to Santa Barbara. And when I found the back road I turned the wrong way. That was awesome.

All in all it took about 15 to 20 minutes of pure police work to wake up a sleeping man and chase him out of town like in the old west. I was mildly upset and now I can see that if I were a Vietnam Vet suffering from some pretty serious Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder I'd have some real issues with the whole thing. Luckily for me and them, I'm not a killing machine and in my trauma the police were good guys, and I wasn't a ever prisoner. I just hope that there were no real crimes happening at the moment.

See, I've Learned Something Today...

I don't often admit to feeling unsure of myself, but over the past couple months I have felt that way. I haven't felt like I've really learned anything, and I've been unsure of any difference in the world around me. Although I do still have some insecurities, I'm feeling a lot better about myself right now. I've just learned that I do have answers to some pretty hard questions.

I just found out about a contest Wal-Mart has started on facebook. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know a whole lot about the contest, but here's the basic idea, as I understand it. The company has made a fan page for every metropolitan area in the United States. "Liking" the page will act as a vote for the area, and by today, December 31st, which ever area gets the most "Likes" wins and Wal-Mart will donate 1.5 million dollars to help feed the hungry in that area. I applaud Wal-Mart for this.

I've said already, that there is plenty of food in the US and that there should be no one going hungry. I feel the money could be better spent on improving living conditions for the needy, but that's not what I'm writing about.

I found myself in a conversation over a very dear friends facebook status today about things like this. His status said, "I would imagine just donating money to charities or buying dinner for a homeless person is actually more beneficial than clicking "Like" on a Facebook link... almost as good as changing your profile pic to save kids from child abuse..." He was making a point that although it's very good that corporations to help out in their community, we, as individuals, should really do more than we do.


I put in my two sense like I always do, especially when it's the subject of poverty, and was eventually asked the question, "What organization? Or how would you get the money to those who actually need it? Who decides who "actually" needs it?"

The question came up because I said that it worried me that a lot less than the full 1.5 million would make it to the people who need it. It's a really good question and my answer took some thought. This is what I answered:

That's the hard part. Most states have pretty good assistance programs for individuals. In a lot of cases it's used well and does it's job of getting people off the streets. But in a lot of cities rents are higher than what people are given.

As far as an organization that does the best, it would change from city to city. I wish the organizations would work together more than they do. The one that shows up the most is Union Gospel Mission, but the programs from city to city aren't the same and they're all run independently so "prices and participation" vary, basically they just share a name.

As far as who actually needs it. Right now I'd worry more about families than individuals. The economic downturn has forced a lot of people out of their homes who have always been hard workers. My personal opinion is that these are the people who need help most right now. I've run into a lot of people who are looking for work all the time, or work part time at McDonald's or something and simply don't make nearly enough to support themselves, let alone a family.

I hope that helped a little. The sad answer is that donating to local charities and shelters is the best that the average person can give. And if you're in a city that has a homeless newspaper, (Salt Lake does) buy one when you see a guy selling it. Half the money goes to the person and the other half goes to help them continue printing. It's one of the best ways to get money to someone who is really trying to better their life, and the articles are really informative and eye opening.

After I had written that, a lot of my insecurities vanished. It showed me that I have learned a lot, and hopefully the things I have to say will help make some change.

I don't really get into most holidays, but it seems fitting that this happened on New Year's Eve. Hopefully, I can take this new found self esteem with me into 2011 and the last half of my time on the streets, and with it, keep making all the difference I can. So, thank you Roger, for being an awesome friend all the time and for bringing up a valid point. And thank you Julianna, for asking probably one of the best questions I've ever been asked. And thank YOU for reading what I have to say. I hope the new year brings you health, safety, and happiness.

Portland Rescue Mission

Each night before dinner at the Portland Rescue Mission a lottery takes place. Not a lottery to win any obscene amount of money, but a lottery to win a bed for the night. Before you can be eligible for this lottery you need to have a Tuberculosis test done. To get this test done you can go across the street to the Salvation Army. They do the tests on Tuesdays and Fridays between 1:15 and 3:15 in the afternoon. I went in last Friday and got the shot. Then, on Tuesday afternoon I went to have it checked.


Once you are diagnosed Tuberculosis free, you are given a TB card. Armed with proof that you are in fact free from Tuberculosis you can enter the lottery. Each person who would like to stay at the mission is given a number. Last night my number was 38. Every night there is a different lottery and so, every night you get a different number.

Then, the winning numbers are randomly selected by a computer and posted for the world to see. Last night I was among the 50 lucky people to get a bed. For those who don't win there is an additional way to be inside at the Portland Rescue Mission in the winter months. They have 75 mats that they lay out in the chapel, and so there is a second lottery for those at 8:30.

At about 8PM you are able to check in with your winning lottery number. At check in you show your slip with the winning number on it and, unless they already know you, your TB card so they can get your name. You are then assigned a bed numbered 1-50 and sent down stairs.

Once you're on the bottom floor you are able to take a shower, get a change of clothes, or just get ready for bed. I was assigned to bed 41. On each bed there is a pillow and a milk crate containing a blanket, a sheet, and a pillow case. I promptly made my bed and spent about 40 minutes reading one of my favorite books, My Custom Van by Michael Ian Black. At about 9PM it's lights out.

I fell asleep pretty quickly, although, I didn't stay that way. The beds are small and close together, so every time someone coughed, I woke up. I had a cotton blanket that was crocheted. It was like sleeping under a doily.

The Portland Rescue Mission works entirely off of donations and they do the very best they can with what they have. I don't want anyone to think I'm ungrateful or complaining about anything they do. In truth I see them among the top of all the shelters in Portland, a city that is among the leaders of cities that are friendly to the under privileged.

Olympia, WA

I only planned on staying in Olympia for a couple days. I was first planning on leaving Monday, November 1st, then I stayed and decided I would stay until Tuesday. It's Tuesday night now and I'm still in Olympia. I think I'll stay awhile longer.


I've been spending a lot of time at the Union Gospel Mission. The staff is much more friendly than anywhere else I've been. I had my laundry washed for me and got to take a shower at the mission. Most places only open their doors at meal times, but at Union Gospel you're welcome most of the day.

I also stopped at the Thurston County Food Bank. Each family is allowed to get food at the Food Bank 12 times a year and they ask that you don't come more than one time in a week. I went in, told them who I was and my living situation and they Hooked me up! That's with a capital "H". They have people all along the way to help you with anything you might need. I can't cook, so they sent me to a special area they have with food that doesn't need preparation. They also gave me information about their other services for the homeless and low-income families in the area. They are actually the people who sent me to the Union Gospel Mission.

Last night it didn't rain so I slept outside. I brought a sleeping bag to a place I found a couple days ago. It's between a row of bushes and a church. There's a space there that's about two feet wide. It's the perfect place. It's completely hidden from the sidewalk and street.

Despite it's rocky start, Olympia is turning out to be my favorite place I've been so far.

Today this blog reached I milestone. This blog has now been visited over 3,000 times in the three and a half months of it's existence. Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read about my travels and experiences. You guys are great! I never thought it would get so much exposure. You have no idea what it means to me. Thank you.

It's the World we can change

Since I’ve been on the road there have been just a few times that I thought, “What am I doing?” and that I should quit and either go back home or move to Arizona and be done with everything.

I felt that way yesterday. I was going about my usual day. I just got to Seattle and so I was walking around getting a feel for the city and something just wasn’t right. I was feeling like butter over too much bread. I occasionally feel like everything I’m doing is a waste; that this is a horrible world and nobody can change it. I fight a losing battle to hold on to a world where people can change and make themselves better. I feel sometimes like that’s the world we lost.

I was further disappointed when I found out that I couldn’t get into a concert that I was really excited for. So there I was, standing outside the Showbox at the Market looking at a sign that said, “Never Shout Never, The Maine, I Can Make A Mess Like Nobody’s Business, Carter Husley SOLD OUT” Now, nothing against Never Shout Never, The Maine and Carter Husley, but I don’t care if I don’t get to see them play, but it was heart breaking and a let down that I didn’t need to realize that I wasn’t going to see I Can Make A Mess.

Ace Enders is the brains behind I Can Make A Mess, and one of the biggest inspirations in my life. I talked to him shortly after I realized that I wasn’t getting in. Like always he dropped what he was doing to talk to me. He’s one of those rock stars that really care deeply about the people who paid to get him where he is. He wasn’t able to get me into the concert, but said he would ask the other bands if they had any openings on their guest list for me.

I ended up finding someone with an extra ticket and did get in. Ace played a great set. All but two songs were unreleased. The set ended with the song “Old Man………………….” a song about holding on to and fighting to make your dreams come to life, and that the people who let go of their dreams are the ones who will tell you that you can't do what it is you want. Hearing that song and what he said to me before and  what he said during the song renewed my drive to do what I know I love and chase my dreams down, punch them in the face for trying to get away and make them happen.

Thank you Ace Enders for being who you are and for the inspiration and drive you give me to keep plugging away.

This is what I mean.

Home Sweet Home

At 11:30 this morning I finished moving out of my apartment and have my car weighted down by my things. The count down to hitting the open highway is on. I will be going through my things and deciding what is necessary and what doesn't need me in it's life anymore. I took my first shower as a homeless person today, it was truly luxurious. I'll be at work for the next twelve hours, I think when I'm done with work tomorrow morning and don't have a bed to go sleep in is when I'll get my first actual taste of what being homeless is really like. Really, though it will be a while before I truly understand. Staying near home, I have too many places where I can and will go to get some air conditioned rest.

I'm excited for the following months, but to be completely truthful, there's a part of me which is also really scared. This is, however, a common emotion for anyone embarking into the unknown, and I intend on using my uneasiness to stay safe and aware of my surroundings. I don't intend on getting many nights of good uninterrupted sleep.

So with my car, camera, and curiosity I will venture out into the cruel world to do what I envisioned the day I walked into a camera store and walked out with my dream; that is capture images that will be remembered and show the truth about this world we live in. The great thing about the truth of the world is that so many opposing things are true at the same time.

There's beauty and the promise of new life...

There's death and sadness...

There's longing for things and feelings long since passed...

And there's hope that we could hold on to the present and make it our future.

These are all reasons why I spent so much time wishing I had the camera sitting next to me; who has been with me to celebrate in the good times, clear my mind in the bad, and in some cases, help me to try and hold on to the present so I can relive it again, if only for a short time.

Please read on and live this journey with me.

Beginnings

In a week I'm moving out of my apartment, and joining the ranks of the homeless.

I'm doing this as a way to get myself to that level of living so I can show the world through writing and photography what life is like for people who live homeless. After about a month of living in southern Minnesota, I will pack a few essentials in my car and head west. That seems to be the American way, get bored of the east and Midwest and explore the wild west. I'm just 200 years late. I'm not sure exactly where I will go, but I have been thinking about exploring the west coast. Much of the point of this is to live life without any plans and to go where the wind points me.

You may be thinking that I've lost my mind and you may be right. You may be thinking this is a horrible idea, but I have put over a years worth of thought into this and I know what I'm doing. I also don't expect anyone to understand the reason I do the things I do.

I hope you will check back often to read about my adventures.

And remember what Bilbo used to say," It's a dangerous business... going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to."